Today is the last day of a 7 week tour that has kept my husband on the road. He’s had a few days home here and there, but for the most part, I’ve been doing this home-running, blog-writing, business-building, and child-rearing alone for nearly 2 months. It’s hard. But I really don’t like using the term “road widow” or “single parent” because I am not a widow and I am not a single parent.
Single Parents, Military Spouses: I do not know how you to do it.
I’ve got a lot on my plate, but I’m not truly alone. I get to talk to my husband daily. He’s not in any danger. He’s emotionally supportive even when he can’t be here physically. He is available to Skype and FaceTime, and even dishes out punishment to unruly little boys from across the country.
Modern technology is such a gift in times like these.
But sometimes when he is away I really struggle with my self worth. I take a lot of pride in doing things well. I like to tackle tasks properly, excellently, and to completion. And I can’t do this when I am alone. I don’t have my partner, and because of this, most areas in my life slide into the mediocre realm. I post on the blog less, I respond to fewer emails, I lose my temper with my children, I say “no” to people when all I want to do is help them. I stay home way more often and see friends less. The dog hasn’t had a bath in, oh Lord, I can’t even remember…
It’s hard to feel like everything in my life is only functioning at about 80%, but I’m learning to be ok with it. The hardest part is when I let people down, or don’t live up to their expectations of me. And I guess it comes down to people-pleasing really, which I’ve got to let go of. I can’t stand when someone is disappointed in my lack of ability to help them, respond to their text, etc. I’ve missed out on so many opportunities with this blog because I decided to read Little House and have a dance party with the babes instead. And it’s hard for me to admit that choosing the latter is difficult at times. I can be a workaholic. I have to guard my relationships and constantly remind myself of where my true priorities lie.
But during these long tours I’m often on my feet, working (aka: home & children) 16-18 hours a day. I let things like my Oils Business, and this blog, and the stinky dog slack a bit because I just can’t let my children be a casualty of tour life and the fact that their Mom wants to also be an business owner. I hope this makes sense. Sometimes, keeping a marriage healthy and kids feeling loved is about all I can muster on a day when my husband has been gone for several weeks straight.
Like I said. Single Parents, Military families. I seriously do not know how you do it.
Anyway, the point of this isn’t to bum you out, or make you feel sorry for me . People often ask what it’s like to have a husband on tour so often, so I wanted to share the real side of it. Bu I’m really, truly happy. I love our life and it’s one my husband and I chose together. We understood what it would require and could change it if we wanted to. Speaking of that man, he is coming HOME!! And we leave soon for a long vacation to Portugal together. I. Can. Not. Wait!
live well. be well.